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Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Hope

In life, we make choices. We have to. You can avoid making them for as long as you want, but life is always moving forward whether you like it or not. The past can seem very vivid because you've lived it, seeming like the basis of what's to come.

No matter how long we've lived, where we come from is all prologue to today. With my life, I look forward to spending the rest of it with Hope Harrell.

We had talked about marriage for months, not in the superficial, but the actual reality of being husband and wife. Where we would live, how would we like to live with children, and how to grow together with age instead of apart. This past Monday, I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.

Hope and I are not without flaws. But thanks to her, I have really understood my flaws and realized how to live with another person's flaws, too. She brings the absolute best out of me. I have so many more reasons to live a fulfilling life thanks to her. 

Sometimes we don't say or do the right things to each other. Many other times we do. She's shown what love can do, and with her in my life, it's limitless.

We came together because of a mutual appreciation of Kevin Smith's wisdom and horror movies. But when the two of us met for the first time, we realized there was more to each other than what we thought of Clerks and Suspiria. It was close to love at first sight, and it has continued to blossom all these months later.

When I was younger, I was afraid marriage meant the end of doing what you wanted to do in life. Trips to record stores were replaced by endless honey-do lists. With Hope, I've realized I can still be me and she can still be her. Hope has never dissuaded me from doing the things I love, and I have (and will never) dissuade her from doing the things she loves to do. We want each other to succeed, and it's a wonderful feeling to do this together.

For years, I thought I could fill the lack of a life companion with books, movies, and records. Slowly I learned that I cannot replace a living, breathing person with a one-sided experience. I'm glad I realized this before it was too late in life. Hope and I have many more movies to watch, records to listen to, and books to read, all while living a fulfilling life together. 

I've often said that I hoped someone like Hope existed. As twisted and as bumpy the road prior to her was (especially when I realized there were a lot of issues with myself I needed to sort out), I'm happy we found each other when we did. I really would not have had it any other way. 

There is a lot to look forward to, when only a couple of years ago, I had nothing really to look forward to. Spending my life with the right person is the freedom I always wished for. The concept of hope really did help me get through the life I had before Hope came into it.