Late last week, I was tagged in a few photos that showed me playing drums in my high school band. Rather than feeling a sense of embarrassment, I was quite happy to see these pictures. I'm not ashamed of playing with that band, and it was the beginning of the path that I'm still on.
One of the pictures was of us playing our final show. We didn't think it was our last show at the time, but that's what it became. After two years, people were drifting apart and about to move away for college. So a break-up was bound to happen.
I could sense at the show that my heart wasn't into playing this kind of music anymore. When we started, our style was very obviously grunge in the vein of Nirvana. But when the guitarist/singer got more into Korn, Coal Chamber, and Fear Factory, our sound became heavier and faster with a sense of groove as well.
Something I listened to over this past weekend brought back a very vivid memory I have just a few days before the final show. Hearing the Deftones and talking about their second album, Around the Fur, brought me back to when I sat in my bedroom listening to that record and trying to get pumped for the show. That record just didn't do it for me. That's one of the many times I thought my heart just wasn't into this band. Moreover, my heart wasn't into this kind of music anymore.
I don't think I've said I wasn't a metal fan, but there have definitely been times that I haven't listened to it that much. With all sorts of things going on in my life in the last five years, metal has been great to listen to. And what's been nice is that I don't have to be pissed off to enjoy the hell out of it.
I don't argue that metal is great to listen to when you're ticked about life in general, but I'm here to tell you that mood is not a requirement. Over the past two months I've been very, very happy in a relationship, and my metal appreciation has not waned. Hell, after one night out together, I felt very positive, but I blasted Converge's Axe to Fall on the way home. My mood didn't change one bit as I drove. That in itself was a test to see how strong the metal roots are. And I'm thankful that they are.