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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

You've Done Nothing

No matter what stage you're at in life, there are pros and cons. I agree with the Joni Mitchell line of "something's lost, but something's gained in living every day." In my case, being 28, single and happy has been a good thing for me. But there are definitely gripes that come up from time to time about being single. I'm talking about the nagging desire to change the status of being single to being in a committed relationship. No matter what, I can't help but feel defensive about this.

From what I've seen with web ads and billboards for dating services, it seems like you're in luck if you're single and Christian. Consequently, if you don't label yourself a Christian, you might as well just sit in some dark corner and rot. Yes, I'm exaggerating things, but the point remains. What about people like myself? Do we not "matter" to the dating service market?

Certain people I know have strongly urged me to join a singles group at a local church. Well, that's not going to happen. I have my own beliefs and consider myself a very spiritual person, but I'm not going to pretend I'm of one denomination. I find it deceitful claiming one denomination when I'm really not one or the other. It's not the best way to be upfront with people.

Another matter that does not comfort this is hearing happily married people say, "I'm so glad I'm not in the dating world anymore. It's brutal." Whenever I hear this, it feels like being single is some sort of indefinite detention class. It's like it's my fault for being single and I should be over-extending myself to change this situation. When I last checked, I still don't have the skills to manipulate fate or the future. Nobody does, but certain people are led to believe the contrary.

Not to take a defeated view of life, but fate intervenes whether you like or not. There's no escaping fate. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of people getting together because of "dumb luck." Be it an impromptu gathering of friends and family, a friend staying with another friend over a holiday, or a random meeting at a party, fate happens. If you're waiting for the day for fate to happen, well, it can be indefinite. So it would be best to find yourself and what you like in the meantime.

1 comment:

Random Kath said...

Hear, hear! I totally wasn't looking for Mr. Random when I found him - in fact, I had given up on the whole dating scene, since I had just broken up with a very abusive jerk. I had been working on just being out in the world and doing things that I liked to do, and liking who I was.

Stuff happens when you least expect it. So you might as well enjoy yourself in doing what you like and being who you are. The people will be attracted to the real you, rather than to someone who is just pretending to get dates.