Here's some satire for today:
Album Still Not Good Even After Repackaging
BAKERSFIELD - Despite selling 300,000 copies upon its initial release in 2003, Emerson's Blood's Time is a Devastating Burden is still not a good record, critics say.
Even with its recent reissue with five bonus tracks and a bonus DVD, Time still "reeks of cheesy, meathead riffs and childish lyrics," according to Big Time pop music critic, Bob White. "You still can't get the past the fact that this record was created for mass consumption by a younger audience and this same audience quickly dismissed it once a fresher band came along."
The members of Emerson's Blood, who are currently working on their "most intense and heaviest record to date," according to the band's publicist, hoped that the reissuing of Time would be a treat for longtime fans and introduce new fans too. However, longtime fan Bill Gershon feels shortchanged by this. "I bought the record the day it came out back in 2003 and now I have to pay for it again just so I can have the bonus tracks? Sorry, but I think I could live without hearing the demo version of 'Chariots Burn Crosses' ever again."
White wonders if an album like Time is worth getting the reissue treatment. "We're not talking about a poor-sounding, lauded record from the '60s getting digitally redone," he says. "We're talking about an album filled with moronic moshcore that doesn't need state-of-the-art enchancement. No matter how shiny you make it, a dud is a dud."
Emerson's Blood's label, Phoenix Records, offered no comment.