As I mentioned before the holiday break, I have a new band going. What thankfully happened over last weekend was a jam session where we could play as loud as we wanted to. We rented a room out for the afternoon and just let everything out. And it was fantastic.
This said, I would not trade the months of working on song ideas at a manageable volume level. The three of us learned to lock in with each other by hearing everything we did. Now with the recent practice, we were able to take things many steps up.
I have the attitude that if you're in a rock band, you have to play like you're in a rock band. Dynamics are important, yes, but if you're going to wimp out on the drums when it's time to let loose, then you're doing a disservice to everyone in your band.
So when I was asked to play quieter in a mostly-rock back-up band situation a few years ago, I adjusted my style. I thought it seemed to work fine, and the other band members told me I was doing a great job. But after being reassured multiple times that my playing was fine, I was irked (and still irked to this day) when I was unceremoniously fired from the band supposedly for playing too aggressively. (Since I never got a direct answer why, I'm not sure I'll ever know why.)
But trying to move ahead, I relish the chance to play with guys who like things loud and encourage me to play my heart out. I find that things work best when things are encouraging rather than discouraging.